How Do You Deal With Difficult People?

At the start of A Christmas Carol, Ebenezer Scrooge has the market cornered on difficult. You agree? Of course you do. And in the fashion of fiction, by the end he's the sweet, rich uncle we all long to have.

I'm in the middle of dealing with some really difficult people. They are a little different from Uncle Ebenezer. I don't know how stingy they are with their money, but they definitely have the attitude it's their way or the highway. Unreasonable. Single Minded. It makes my heart wrestles around my rib cage and my lungs expand at such a rapid rate I can't get any air in.

How do I deal with this? Writing this blog post is one way. I can get the feelings off my chest just enough to quiet my mind and wait for the answers to come. I won't be able to hear what to do with all the noisy thoughts clanking around in my head like Jacob Marley's chains. But what else can I do? (I'm a doer. I have to do stuff.)

I can't make them see things my way. It's their choice how to view their world. I have to control myself, which isn't such an easy thing to do. (Though I am actually doing something.) How will I get control? It's a beautiful day out. The world outside is filled with an abundance of grace. I can sit with nature and remind myself I have everything I need in this moment. My life is full and at peace. The Universe will provide the answers on how to deal with my Ebenezer replicas. There is no sense in fighting them. "What you resist, persists." I'll know what to do when the time is right.

How would you deal with difficult people?

Patience

How do you stay patient while waiting for something you want to happen? How can you use writing to help you? Of course, journaling is always the answer, isn't it? When in doubt, whip out your friend, journal. She never criticizes, never judges, never talks about herself. Sometimes she even shows us the answer.

Patience is not one of my better qualities. But how do you detach from the result of what you want while you're waiting to see if the Universe will give it to you? The Universe is always trying to teach me patience and I'm a slow learner in that area. I'm more of a rip the band aid off now and see the oozing underneath instead of waiting for the wound to heal kind of person. Sometimes that's good. Other times, not so much. 

I'm not sure if this answers the question about patience, but the words of Marianne Williamson resonate with me so I'll share them with you. "And once we have surrendered ourselves to be used for a higher purpose, we give up the obsession with planning that dominates so much of Western civilization."

I'm going out on a limb and saying I don't think Ms. Williamson wants you to stop planning your future. You have retirement, college, jobs and families to think about. Bills to pay, friends to visit with. What I think she's saying is be the best person you can be on your way to your destination. It's about putting positive energy out to the Universe and listening for the soft whisper to respond to you. It's about quieting your mind so you don't miss the answers.

Patience is non judgement. It's the journey that leads us where we're going. It's inner peace. Patience isn't something we find in a bottle. Though I wish I could whip up a batch every now and again.

How do you find ways to be patient?

Courage

I was talking with a friend the other day. She said her daughter thought the only way to be heroic or courageous was to face a tragedy, like having your arm bitten off by a shark. What do you think?


I say, not true! Courage comes in all shapes and sizes. You don't have to have your arm bitten off to prove you have courage. Mirriam-Webster says the definition of courage is "mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty."

Fear can materialize in many forms. You might be afraid of the dark. Afraid to fly. Afraid to succeed. Afraid to take a risk. Afraid to ask for help. Courage shows up when fear is faced. One of my favorite quotes from Franklin D. Roosevelt, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself." (That's a good one. You have to admit.)

When life seems difficult doesn't it take courage to stand tall and not run for cover? What is difficult for one is easy for another. There is no measure for difficulty. But to throw courage on your back and walk through something hard and come out the other side better for having experienced it. That is courage ten fold.

Being courageous might be as simple as joining a new group or taking a taxi ride alone. Perhaps you want to stand in front of a crowd and give a speech. That takes courage. Or you stand up to a bully. Courage.

You don't need a movie made about you to show you have courage. All you have to do is be grateful for the opportunity to try. Trying is courageous too. Your assignment: Go out and try one courageous thing today.

Don't Quit

I need a little help. Explain to me why someone quits before they achieve what they want? I don't get it. Really. I'm talking about anything. From programming the DVD player to having your dream job. I know it's scary, hard, sometimes down right impossible. Hey, I know about hard. I'm a writer looking for a place for my novels to land. In terms of tough goals this is right up there. Maybe not as high as overcoming addiction, but you get my point.


Why quit? Isn't that the easy way out? Do you want the DVD player to beat you? Are you being lazy? Do you want someone else to carry the burden for you? Hmm...I bet I'm getting a few yeses on that one.

Explain to me why someone who could have what it is they claim they want gives up before they get it? Could it be you don't really want it that badly? Hmm again. My guess is that's it. You never really wanted it and when the journey toward this goal got tough you quit. That's okay if that's the truth. 

But if you want change in your life: job, relationships, learning a new instrument, then I suggest you dig deep because a long road may be in front of you and you're going to spend a lot of sweat equity getting where you're going. Achieving goals isn't easy, but quitting isn't any easier. You will live with each decision you make. So if you truly want something go after it with all you've got. We only get one life. Don't quit!

Discover Your Voice

Writer's spend a lot of time discovering their voice. They experiment with word choice, cadence, and pacing. Voice is what makes writing unique.

Not just writers need a unique voice. Everyone does. Every day. What does your voice sound like? Do you use strong words? Do you whisper in response? Let's say a friend cancels plans with you. What's the first thing you say? Or a friend walked right past you, ignoring you, as if you weren't there. How would you react? What words would you use? What if a friend pushed you because they were mad?

What if you don't know what to say? Do the right words present themselves to you at a later time? Do you play the scene round and round in your head wishing the ride would stop so you could get off? Probably, right? You need a journal.

Write it down: your thoughts, feelings, expressions, the good comebacks you didn't think of earlier. If you're sad, write it. Mad, write it. Happy, write it. Include the things you like about yourself too. Use your journal to discover your voice. Your writing voice and your real voice. Take it with you and write about what you see, hear, smell. Write about where you are and where you want to go. Ask questions. Dig deep. Your journal is a safe place to spend time with your private voice. No one is judging you, correcting your grammar. No worries.

Thrillerfest Wrap Up

So, last week I attended the International Thriller Writers annual conference in New York City. It's where thriller writers of all walks of life come together to discuss writing, publishing, and network. You can meet anyone from R.L. Stine to Ken Follett to David Morrell to Diana Gabaldon. It's amazing really. All those people were there!

I also had the opportunity to make some friends with debut authors I'll keep you posted on and prepublished authors like myself. The weekend winds down with an awards banquet and after party. These thriller writers really know how to have a good time.

If you're a writer or even a fan of the genre it's worth the trip to NYC. I can't wait for next year.

Three For One

I wanted to write about staying positive, living a fulfilled life, stuff like that, but time is of the essence so I'm going to combine a few subjects into one post. Think of it like a two for one sale! And who doesn't love that? The guys might not care, but pretend.

First: check out Attacking The Page for a great blog post about how the Okinawans live. I promise you'll want to emulate these people.  (This is the article I spoke about last time. See, it didn't take me so long to get it to you.) We all should be living a life filled with value. Are you?

Second: I went to a garage sale last weekend. I can't tell you the last time I went to one, but the sellers had displayed crystal glasses on a table and the sun caught the etched stemware and lit it on fire. I just had to take a closer look. Someone had died and their belongings, what was left of them I guess, were being sold for a few dollars. It got me thinking. Is this what becomes of us? The treasures that we held dear, ornaments that adorned Christmas trees, wine glasses we toasted with all being discarded for three dollars each? Does our legacy lead us to rickety tables in driveways in hopes someone will come along and see the beauty we did in it? Or do the things we held dear end up on the curb because no one thought the candle stick holders were worth five dollars? Oh, I know. It's not the sum of our "things" that make us who we are. It's our spirit and the choices we make in our lives, but along the way we've accessorized our lives with "things." It's all someone else can touch when we are gone. I just hope if my good china becomes nothing more than a few scattered pieces that someone will stop at the garage sale, pick it up and know there is a story behind it. One that must be told. How do you feel about it?

Third: I'm off to the sixth annual Thrillerfest hosted by the International Thriller Writers. I hope to learn great things about the craft, meet fantastic people, (maybe one or two who can advance the publishing dream a little) and have some fun. I'll report on more when I return.

Okay, so it was three stories for the price of one. But who's counting? Talk to you later...