LET GO

I was speaking to a woman the other day and she said something that got me thinking. She believed if she let her son play football on the Jewish holiday something bad would happen to him. (Obviously, she was Jewish.)

Wow! She really believed that. Don't get me wrong, I can be superstitious too. I knock wood for good measure. If someone pays my children a compliment I say, "God bless them" under my breath. I come from a long line of Italians. Superstition is their middle name! But this woman was allowing fear to make a decision for her.

She's not alone. Fear is the leader in many people's lives, but it doesn't have to be. In Donna Farhi's Bringing Yoga to Life she states: "While pain is inevitable, suffering is not. By clinging to our existentialist viewpoint, we take a bad situation and make it worse by trying to wrestle it to the ground..."

What does fear stop you from doing? Are you not writing that book that you always wanted to? You wrote the book, but you won't query it or you won't let someone read it. Or you are a published author, but you don't have the career you dreamed of. What's holding you back? Afraid to put your heart on the page? Afraid to speak in public about your stories? Perhaps, you're afraid to succeed.

And if you aren't one of my writer friends, how does fear keep you in chains?

Donna Farhi has another good quote: "If you are very, very careful, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you."

The idea of being so afraid to live, to allow fear to control your choices, that you miss out on many, many good things in life should be the very thing that scares the living day lights out of you. Not football on a Jewish holiday. Get my drift?

How do you stop fear from controlling your choices? Well, I'm no expert, but I know you have to learn to let go, to surrender. In yoga, we learn about quieting our minds, grounding ourselves in the present moment, not to resist what is happening in our lives, but to embrace it. It takes practice, lots of practice, but it can be done.

I invite you again, as I did in my last post, to be fearless today. Holding onto fear for dear life is not your only choice. You can choose to let go.

Fearless

I've been thinking a lot lately about how to be fearless. It's been a bit of a mantra. Maybe it has to do with facing another birthday and not wanting to miss out on any of life's opportunities. Maybe it has to do with the rejection letters that keep showing up in my inbox for Welcome to Kata-Tartaroo.

What does it mean to be fearless? Is it literally, without fear? Mirriam-Webster says fearless means "free from fear." But couldn't it also mean being afraid and doing or facing that thing anyway?

I think of being fearless as being brave and one can be brave and scared at the same time. Go ask a police officer, fire fighter or a parent. It's not the same kind of bravery, but ask an author. They have to brave and are definitely afraid at the same time.  

I invite you to be fearless today. Not to live without fear, but to act in the face of it.

You Are The Teacher

Yoga teachers will say they are more a guide than a teacher. Your body and mind should dictate your practice for the day. Your yoga teacher will cue poses for you, but it's up to you to decide how hard to push or not. I knew this logically, but it wasn't until recently that I actually "got it." Everything came together like a perfectly tuned orchestra. My teacher gave the cues to the class, my body told me how far to go. Cobra became Up Dog. Bridge became Wheel. The practice was mine and mine alone as I glided from one pose to another.

It made me think about all of the "rules" in creative writing. Writers hear all the time in workshops to write the story that's in their hearts and not worry so much about the rules. No truer words have been spoken. Those "rules" are really guidelines to help you put your heart on the page and write the story you were meant to write.

Sure, some things have to be on the page. Conflict. Scene goals. Point of View. Speaker tags. You can follow the rules of writing and orchestrate a novel or story, but if you focus solely on the rules passion will be missing from the page. Just as a yoga pose can be stiff or painful or not on the edge enough if you follow only the cues.

Our hearts and our main characters are the guides in our stories. The rules of writing are simply the guidelines. When we throw caution away and trust that we know our craft that beautiful, magically story will come together. The story everyone will want to read.

Who is your teacher? What guides you?   

No Excuses

We hear excuses all the time, don't we? I'm too busy, too late, too early, too tired. Don't like to drive in traffic my sister called, whatever.   Writers wrestle with excuses daily. My muse is gone, I don't have enough time, when the kids go to school, when I retire, after I do the laundry. The list of excuses goes on and on.  I have my own fair share tucked neatly in a canvas bag. "I need a vacation, if I could just get a day off I'll be able to handle it, too tired, blah, blah." The Universe heard me loud and clear recently and wanted to let me know I didn't need those useless excuses.  On my way to the food store I ran through my usual list. "Too tired, need time off, tomorrow will be better." While checking out, the cashier noticed I left a jar of vanilla in the cart after I'd put all my groceries on the belt. Embarrasing. Did I look like I was trying to walk out with the vanilla? My response, "I'd forget my head..." She said, "After I had my kids I'd lost my mind."  This is where the Universe comes in. The cashier next to us said, "Have you heard of Dr. Wayne Dyer?"  Have I heard of Dr. Dyer?! He's fantastic. (If you aren't familiar with him, go look him up.)  Universe Provided Cashier said,"You need to read his book No More Excuses."  It was as if lights flashed, horns blared and a loud voice echoing over the PA system was saying, "Hey, you at register 19, listen up."  The Universe is trying to tell me something. I think its I'm capable now. Everything I need I have in this moment. My muse is always with me. I have all the energy I need. My mind is just fine even without the vacation.   I haven't read Dr. Dyer's book yet, but I will. No excuses. 

Make Yourself Happy

I was in yoga class the other day and we were dedicating our practice to someone in our lives who needed the positive energy. The teacher said, "Do whatever it takes to make this person happy." I felt a little slip in my downward dog when she said that. I don't agree with that statement.

I believe doing for others will bring you happiness. Yoga Journal Magazine says, "Brain scans of people in the act of giving have found that generous deeds activate the same reward centers in the brain that pleasures like food does. When these areas are stimulated, dopamine and other feel-good neurotransmitters are released, resulting in pleasurable feelings that can range from contentment to euphoria."

The best thing you can do when the "poor me's" wraps around your neck threatening to steal your last breath is do something for someone else. Get out of your own way, so to speak.

But, "do whatever it takes to make this person happy?" That's a slippery slope right down into the land of Door Matville. You cannot control someone else's feelings unless you reach down into their throats and touch their emotions. (if anyone figures out how to do this, let me know. I am acquainted with a few people who need a tweek or two.) You'll spend your whole life chasing the idea of making someone happy that you'll miss out on your own happy life.

You can give them the tools to be happy. You can send them love and offer support, but you can't make them feel happiness no matter how hard you try. And I don't recommend you try and make them feel anything. They will feel joy when they're good and ready and not a second before. I like to think of it as everyone arrives to the party in their own time. Some later than others.

I want everyone to be happy and to know that is what the Universe intends for them. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I like to imagine a place where everyone's heart radiates with love. And happiness.

What are some things that make you happy?

Trust - the Mat

I left the yoga studio today without paying for my new mat. (Can you belive it?!) As I pushed through the glass doors out to the parking lot my insides tangled like a yoga pose gone bad. How could I do such a thing? Easy. The owner knows and trusts me. I am honored by that. (I have since paid for the mat, so you don't need to call the police.)

I trust myself when I get on my yoga mat that I will know what my body needs, how to bend into the poses, and I will grow spiritually in some way as I practice. I trust my favorite teacher - Allison, with her great big, beautiful smile - to be my guide. Why does trust come easily when I'm doing yoga? The practice of yoga is like a long time friend bringing you a treasured gift everytime she sees you. How hard is it to trust that?

Trusting what happens on the mat can also be my lesson in trusting my writing. And it can be your lesson in any area where trust feels thin and weak to you. I need to trust that I have learned my craft. (There is always more to learn, but I am not the novice I once was.) I have to trust my writer's voice is clear and strong on the page. And I must trust I have a story to tell and others will read it.

The act of knowing what is right for you builds self-esteem. But what if you aren't sure when something is right? Have you heard the phrase, "trust your gut?" Our instincts tell us when something is right or wrong. We know, we just have to trust ourselves.

How well do you trust? Yourself? Others? What are some of the thing you do to build trust?

Staying in the Moment

I love my Tuesday morning yoga class. I love the teacher, the other students, and the energy we share. The things I learn on my mat help me be a better person off the mat. For example, my intention for class was to stay in the moment. Staying in the moment is an ongoing practice for me and I wanted that intention to sit on my shoulder and smile at me all day. It did not.


Becoming a published author is a long and frustrating journey. I'm seeking an agent or publisher for Welcome to Kata-Tartaroo and when I can't make that happen...like I said. Long and frustrating. So, what do I do? I say "stay in the moment." But that wasn't working so well for me that day.

I'm always asking for a sign from god. A giant neon sign to tell me what to do next. Remember, staying in the moment was eluding me. So I said after my yoga class, "God, drop a huge sign on my head, will you?"

Right after my declaration for guidance, I opened one of my favorite magazines to the article I always read first. The theme of the article was the journey we all take. Hmm... my senses are perked. I'm on a very specific journey. And the last paragraph states, "no matter where you are in your journey, that's exactly where you need to be." Aahh! There it was in black and white! On the day of my yoga class where I vowed to stay in the moment!

I had come full circle just then. Had I trusted my intention in class I would have known that everything I needed I already had. All the steps I take every day are exactly the steps I need to take. The Universe is conspiring in my favor. My big dreams are coming. Most importantly, don't forget the small dreams we accomplish every day. The ones that ground us in the moment. A smile from a friend, the air we breathe, the beautiful colors bursting from the trees and plants, the sound of a song, laughter, telling a story, taking yoga, writing...

What are some of yours?