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Should Rejection be Personal?

Tell me what you think, because frankly, I think there was a better way to go about this.

My son tried out for the middle school baseball team. He didn’t make it. That’s okay. Disappointment is part of life. 

The tryouts lasted seven days. Yes, you read that correctly. No one is getting paid to be on this team. I don’t think, anyway. I’m not sure why it takes seven days to figure out who can hit, run, and catch, but that’s not the point here.

The point is he was told he didn’t make the team in a boiler plate rejection letter that was handed out at the end of the last day. I know the sting of receiving an impersonal rejection letter from editors and agents. Letters that start, Dear Author, thanks, but no thanks. I put my blood sweat and tears into my work and it hurts to get a rejection letter that a cold blooded zombie could’ve written. These boys put their backs into those tryouts. Didn’t their effort afford them a little more than a form letter from teachers that walk the halls of the school amongst the rejected everyday?

Have we become a society void of personal contact? Has the land of Twitter and Facebook enticed us to believe the impersonal is appropriate no matter the message? Have we lost all sense of kindness because it is easier to type the message than look someone in the eye and have to feel uncomfortable delivering bad news? Or are we just plain lazy? It’s too much work to talk, to muster up a smile when you don’t feel like it, to shake the hand of a young boy and say, good try, but here’s where you need to improve. What’s next? Rejection via text message?

I say shame on those coaches for taking the easy way out. They would have taught the boys who didn’t make it far more about life by looking them in the eye and delivering the news than what they will ever teach on the baseball field.

The Next Big Thing–Blog Hop

How psyched was I when middle grade writer Leslie Zampetti tagged me for The Next Big Thing Blog Hop! (You can click on Leslie’s name to read her Next Big Thing blog post and all her other great posts as well.)

The Next Big Thing is a blog tour showcasing authors and their work. Each author must answer the ten questions below and then “tag” other authors they think are the next big thing! What fun! Who doesn’t love a good game of tag?! (Make sure to read all the way to the bottom so you can see who I tagged as the Next Big Thing!)

What is the working title of your book?

Welcome to Kata-Tartaroo.

Where did the idea come from for the book?

I had been writing adult thrillers and speaking at elementary and middle schools about creative writing. My husband and critique partners said, “why aren’t you writing a book for the kids you speak to?” One morning my son told me about his nightmare. He was stuck in hell and the only way out was to climb a staircase and answer math questions. I thought, “What a great idea for a book!”

What genre does your book fall under?

Middle-grade fantasy adventure.

What actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

If I am blessed to have my book made into a movie I will be happy with whoever is casted!

What is the one sentence synopsis of your book?

What if a thirteen year-old Lesser boy lands in the scariest place imaginable and has twenty-four hours to collect three mystical objects or he and his Moor friends will be lost forever?

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Good question. I’ll keep you posted on that one. Decision will be made soon.

How long did it take you to write your first draft?

Nine months. It was like giving birth!

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

I think readers of The Maze Runner or The Lightning Thief would enjoy Welcome to Kata-Tartaroo.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

My children. My husband. My critique partners. Without any of them I would be lost.

What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?

It’s a fast paced action adventure. The characters race through a magical forest and encounter all kinds of creatures some that eat you whole, some that want to steal your treasures. Every chapter will leave the reader wanting more.

I think the Next Big Thing is:

Contemporary Romance Writer, M. Kate Quinn

Paranormal Romance Writer, KM Fawcett

Paranormal Romance Writer, Shari Nieschmidt

Hearing Clearly

My right ear was plugged up for four days. You know that water in your ear feeling? That plus a good dose of ringing in the ear too. So, plugged ear and all I went to yoga class. We had a substitute teacher. She did a lot of hip opening poses. For those of you who don’t know, yogis believe we hold all of our emotions in our hips. Working on the hips will release any or all emotions we might be storing.

The next morning I practiced at home and did another hip opening sequence. Coincidence. Or was it? Hmmm. That same day I was to find out if I moved to the second round of the Amazon Breakout Novel Contest. I did not, unfortunately. And I was pretty upset about it. More than I thought I’d be. Had myself a good old fashion cry and a full dose of “I’m quitting!” I was even go to put that in writing!

In the mean time, my ear popped! Thank God for miracles!! I could hear clearly again, but not just with my ears. In the middle of my pity party I heard a clearer voice. One that said, “stop your whining.” And just like that a calmness washed over me. I felt open and freer than I had in months! That rejection and the yoga poses were just what I needed to clear my inner channels and show me the path I always seem to be trying to walk in the dark.

My freer self found two more agents to query. I had a goal of 100 queries and those two put me at 98. I had been struggling to find more places to send my novel. Well, guess what? One of those agents asked to see the first half of the book! Of course, I sent it.

Who knows what the future holds, but because I am hearing more clearly than before I trust the journey.

Do you have an inner voice you listen to? Who do you trust most? How do you pursue your dreams?

Learn Something New

I’ll be honest.  I’ve written  today’s post because I learned something new. Windows Live Writer! I always enjoy blogs with pictures and I struggle to get them on my page. I stumbled upon Windows Live Writer and thought, “let’s check it out.” It allows me to post pictures with ease. See? I may actually have some fun with this! Anything to make the writing feel like less of a chore. I don’t know about you, but some days I stare at my screen and think about a thousand other things I might enjoy doing. Like reorganizing the pantry.

 

Have you learned anything new today?

The Power of One Sentence

As writers, we are told to choose our words carefully. Every word used must have purpose. We pick through our sorted list of vocabulary with dauntless effort. It's a lesson non-writers should use when they speak.
 
Would you allow me a moment of back story? My daughter, she's 10, likes to make crafts made from duck tape. (Yes, "duck".) It's like duct tape, but it's colorful and full of patterns. She makes headbands with big bows on them. It's wonderful and she wears them proudly. Until an adult decided not to be careful with her words. An adult, she is not related to, but is forced to see once a week. And not forced by me! Because if I had my say, this lady would be gone. This adult decided to tell her that she was a baby for wearing her bow. (I had a conversation with this person, but that's not my point today.)

She won't wear those bows anymore. In one sentence, that adult slashed her self-confidence. And it won't matter how much I tell her it's okay to be an individual and she should be proud of herself. It won't matter now, anyway. Some day, but not today. Today, that one sentence has more power than a thousand of mine.

When I'm writing dialogue between Gabriel and Owen, I think, "how will Gabriel react if Owen says that?" Shouldn't everyone mutter those words to themselves before they allow their lips to open and the words to tumble out? I can delete dialogue that doesn't work. You can't take your words back once you've said them. Even if you've asked for forgiveness, your words have left their mark.  

One sentence can be very powerful. From: "Will you marry me?" "Have a nice day." "Thank you." To: "You're a baby for wearing that bow." "Why would anyone like you?" "Why do you dress like that?"

One sentence. Tiny words that left alone mean nothing. But pieced together in a certain way have as much power as an explosion. Choose wisely.

I Don't Understand

I need a little help understanding something. Explain to me why not all teachers want to teach? Let's clear up right off the bat I am not referring to ALL teachers. There are some amazing teachers out there. I have friends who are amazing teachers. My daughter has probably the best teacher I've ever seen in action in my children's public school career as well as my own experience as a student.

But let's face it, not everything and everyone are equal. Am I the crazy one to think that if a student doesn't understand a concept that the teacher should try and explain it another way? Isn't that what they are there for? And please spare me any talk about being too busy. If a teacher is too busy to teach then we have a real problem on our hands. It might mean the teacher and the student have to come in early, stay late, or meet during lunch. Gasp! Did I imply extra work? Shame on me.

But why, if a teacher has identified that his/her student is struggling with a concept basic or advanced that they wouldn't pull that student aside and say, "hey, Johnny, let's take a moment to go over this. I want to make sure you understand." Why is the teacher waiting for the student to say, "can you help me?" if the teacher already knows the student is struggling?  Does that make any sense? Not to me, it doesn't.

I can't tell you how this makes me crazy. Rest assured, I'm standing on my soap box right now yelling loud for all to hear. I want to hear what you have to say too. I really want someone to explain it to me so I can understand and as a parent I'm armed with knowledge to help my own children.

Set the Scene for 2013

Happy New Year! It's hard to believe another year has begun, but I know it's going to be a great one. A blog I follow, Writing and Illustrating, listed their 2013 writing goals and I thought what a great idea! Let's do that here at Strong Words!!! Here are some of my goals; writing and otherwise:

Get Welcome to Kata-Tartaroo published and in the hands of readers. (Which will lead to implementing my marketing/business plan)
Blog once a week (The blog needs an update)
Build my writing communities
Write 1000 words a day seven days a week
Finish Welcome to Bibliotheca and get it to my beta readers (I really want to do this by the end of January)
Practice yoga five days a week
Speak at ten schools/groups by June (I have 2 scheduled)
Decide whether or not to become a teen yoga instructor  

I'm sure as the year progresses and life gets in the way some of my goals will have to adjust and new goals will be added. I'll keep you posted on my progress. Have you been thinking about your goals for the new year? Tell us about them. When you share your wishes, hopes, and dreams you become more accountable. So, what are your goals for 2013?

You Have The Tools

I finished reading a wonderful book, Writing Down the Bones, by Natalie Goldberg, which talks about how to get our creativity on the page and meditation. It touches upon the idea that writing can be meditation. I love this idea, because I'm not great about sitting quietly for any lengthy period of time. Give it a read even if you aren't a writer. There is useful information for all.

One of my favorite chapters was Trust Yourself. The title alone got my attention since I'm a big believer in the first step we must all take to peacefulness is trusting we have the tools we need for a fulfilled life.

As writers, we must learn to trust our voices. A strong writing voice is what will keep a reader glued to the pages. The writing voice can be nurtured to bloom with time and care like a garden. Or like a yoga pose. Even meditation. What's the trick? Trust yourself! But how do you do that when rejection letters pile up and your critique partners disagree on your piece or your teacher red pens away the humor in your writing? First, you listen to the varying opinions, but then you make your own decisions. That's empowering! Your work is your own. Tell your story the way you want to tell it.

Are there spots in your life where if you trusted you had the tools you could make all your dreams come true? What else needs to be nurtured? And, writers, how else can we trust that our work is the very best it can be?

Declare What You Desire

I was heading out to yoga today thinking about the people in my life. (That includes the characters in my books.) The big difference between the two? I can make my characters behave in ways I see fit.

Having said that, I want to be surrounded by like minded people. What I mean is, you don't have to like the same books I do or have the same social and political beliefs I do, but I do want to interact with others whose spirit is open. People who see the world through a glass half filled. When I'm with someone I want to be wrapped in their positive attitude. Not slimed with their negative energy.

I declared to the Universe this morning I wanted to meet more people like me. Guess what? The Universe heard me. I love when this happens! In class today, a woman I'd apparently met at a school function recognized me. (Good thing because I am the worst at recognizing other people. It's bad.) We started talking. Grabbed tea together afterward and voila! I made a new connection. Her energy felt positive. We might even hang again. No matter what happens I know the Universe heard me and sent me someone for that moment.

Whatever you wish for in your life, talk with your higher power. Maybe you'd like a new career, a new friend, a better attitude. The Universe will send it to you, but you must be open and ready for it.  Sometimes our wishes don't show up in ways we expect, but the wishes still come true.

What are some things you desire?  

Skip the Flashback

I'm reading a book right now that inspired me to share my thoughts with you about flashbacks. I'm leaving out the author and title.

I'm a huge fan of mysteries and thrillers. And not just books. Movies and television too. When you tell me the story is about a woman who's been abducted, I say, "someone took her? Let's find out what happens NEXT."

Explain to me why authors feel the need to use flashbacks sprinkled throughout the story like stale bread crumbs to show characterization? I want to discover the characters, decide if I like them or not, through the actions they take AFTER the inciting incident. Not before. I'm not a big fan of what our hero did when he was 12. That's for the author to know. I watch a character come to life when he or she is forced to make a choice under pressure. If my hero is an adult, his choices at 12 have about as much pressure as a three day old latex balloon filled with helium.

Yet, these very books make the top of the best sellers list. Is it because most readers enjoy looking through the kitchen window from the outside? Are they saying with each turn of the page, "I can watch all the nasties that lie around the kitchen floor and clutter the table. No one will ever know how I sit and watch you because I'm outside and you're inside with the lights on." Maybe deep down in places we don't like to admit exist we all have a little dark side.

Let's not take away the fact that many, but not all, authors have a way with prose. Their words dress up a page like evening wear. The words catch the light and make us gasp for breath. We put a fluttering hand to our hearts and say, "if only..." Pretty words aside, do you know what I say to most flashbacks? Who cares?

Show me how the hero's world is rocked and leave out what he did when he was 12. Unless he's 12 NOW. A good author can make me care about our hero without telling me every detail of the hero's upbringing. Robert McKee says, "why a man does a thing is of little interest once we see the thing he does. A character is the choices he makes to take the actions he takes. Once the deed is done his reasons why begin to dissolve into irrelevancy."

In other words, the fact the hero's father took him to the baseball game when he was 12 and made him leave that game early has nothing to do with the fact his wife is missing NOW.

Your thoughts on flashback?

LET GO

I was speaking to a woman the other day and she said something that got me thinking. She believed if she let her son play football on the Jewish holiday something bad would happen to him. (Obviously, she was Jewish.)

Wow! She really believed that. Don't get me wrong, I can be superstitious too. I knock wood for good measure. If someone pays my children a compliment I say, "God bless them" under my breath. I come from a long line of Italians. Superstition is their middle name! But this woman was allowing fear to make a decision for her.

She's not alone. Fear is the leader in many people's lives, but it doesn't have to be. In Donna Farhi's Bringing Yoga to Life she states: "While pain is inevitable, suffering is not. By clinging to our existentialist viewpoint, we take a bad situation and make it worse by trying to wrestle it to the ground..."

What does fear stop you from doing? Are you not writing that book that you always wanted to? You wrote the book, but you won't query it or you won't let someone read it. Or you are a published author, but you don't have the career you dreamed of. What's holding you back? Afraid to put your heart on the page? Afraid to speak in public about your stories? Perhaps, you're afraid to succeed.

And if you aren't one of my writer friends, how does fear keep you in chains?

Donna Farhi has another good quote: "If you are very, very careful, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you."

The idea of being so afraid to live, to allow fear to control your choices, that you miss out on many, many good things in life should be the very thing that scares the living day lights out of you. Not football on a Jewish holiday. Get my drift?

How do you stop fear from controlling your choices? Well, I'm no expert, but I know you have to learn to let go, to surrender. In yoga, we learn about quieting our minds, grounding ourselves in the present moment, not to resist what is happening in our lives, but to embrace it. It takes practice, lots of practice, but it can be done.

I invite you again, as I did in my last post, to be fearless today. Holding onto fear for dear life is not your only choice. You can choose to let go.

Fearless

I've been thinking a lot lately about how to be fearless. It's been a bit of a mantra. Maybe it has to do with facing another birthday and not wanting to miss out on any of life's opportunities. Maybe it has to do with the rejection letters that keep showing up in my inbox for Welcome to Kata-Tartaroo.

What does it mean to be fearless? Is it literally, without fear? Mirriam-Webster says fearless means "free from fear." But couldn't it also mean being afraid and doing or facing that thing anyway?

I think of being fearless as being brave and one can be brave and scared at the same time. Go ask a police officer, fire fighter or a parent. It's not the same kind of bravery, but ask an author. They have to brave and are definitely afraid at the same time.  

I invite you to be fearless today. Not to live without fear, but to act in the face of it.

You Are The Teacher

Yoga teachers will say they are more a guide than a teacher. Your body and mind should dictate your practice for the day. Your yoga teacher will cue poses for you, but it's up to you to decide how hard to push or not. I knew this logically, but it wasn't until recently that I actually "got it." Everything came together like a perfectly tuned orchestra. My teacher gave the cues to the class, my body told me how far to go. Cobra became Up Dog. Bridge became Wheel. The practice was mine and mine alone as I glided from one pose to another.

It made me think about all of the "rules" in creative writing. Writers hear all the time in workshops to write the story that's in their hearts and not worry so much about the rules. No truer words have been spoken. Those "rules" are really guidelines to help you put your heart on the page and write the story you were meant to write.

Sure, some things have to be on the page. Conflict. Scene goals. Point of View. Speaker tags. You can follow the rules of writing and orchestrate a novel or story, but if you focus solely on the rules passion will be missing from the page. Just as a yoga pose can be stiff or painful or not on the edge enough if you follow only the cues.

Our hearts and our main characters are the guides in our stories. The rules of writing are simply the guidelines. When we throw caution away and trust that we know our craft that beautiful, magically story will come together. The story everyone will want to read.

Who is your teacher? What guides you?   

No Excuses

We hear excuses all the time, don't we? I'm too busy, too late, too early, too tired. Don't like to drive in traffic my sister called, whatever.   Writers wrestle with excuses daily. My muse is gone, I don't have enough time, when the kids go to school, when I retire, after I do the laundry. The list of excuses goes on and on.  I have my own fair share tucked neatly in a canvas bag. "I need a vacation, if I could just get a day off I'll be able to handle it, too tired, blah, blah." The Universe heard me loud and clear recently and wanted to let me know I didn't need those useless excuses.  On my way to the food store I ran through my usual list. "Too tired, need time off, tomorrow will be better." While checking out, the cashier noticed I left a jar of vanilla in the cart after I'd put all my groceries on the belt. Embarrasing. Did I look like I was trying to walk out with the vanilla? My response, "I'd forget my head..." She said, "After I had my kids I'd lost my mind."  This is where the Universe comes in. The cashier next to us said, "Have you heard of Dr. Wayne Dyer?"  Have I heard of Dr. Dyer?! He's fantastic. (If you aren't familiar with him, go look him up.)  Universe Provided Cashier said,"You need to read his book No More Excuses."  It was as if lights flashed, horns blared and a loud voice echoing over the PA system was saying, "Hey, you at register 19, listen up."  The Universe is trying to tell me something. I think its I'm capable now. Everything I need I have in this moment. My muse is always with me. I have all the energy I need. My mind is just fine even without the vacation.   I haven't read Dr. Dyer's book yet, but I will. No excuses. 

Make Yourself Happy

I was in yoga class the other day and we were dedicating our practice to someone in our lives who needed the positive energy. The teacher said, "Do whatever it takes to make this person happy." I felt a little slip in my downward dog when she said that. I don't agree with that statement.

I believe doing for others will bring you happiness. Yoga Journal Magazine says, "Brain scans of people in the act of giving have found that generous deeds activate the same reward centers in the brain that pleasures like food does. When these areas are stimulated, dopamine and other feel-good neurotransmitters are released, resulting in pleasurable feelings that can range from contentment to euphoria."

The best thing you can do when the "poor me's" wraps around your neck threatening to steal your last breath is do something for someone else. Get out of your own way, so to speak.

But, "do whatever it takes to make this person happy?" That's a slippery slope right down into the land of Door Matville. You cannot control someone else's feelings unless you reach down into their throats and touch their emotions. (if anyone figures out how to do this, let me know. I am acquainted with a few people who need a tweek or two.) You'll spend your whole life chasing the idea of making someone happy that you'll miss out on your own happy life.

You can give them the tools to be happy. You can send them love and offer support, but you can't make them feel happiness no matter how hard you try. And I don't recommend you try and make them feel anything. They will feel joy when they're good and ready and not a second before. I like to think of it as everyone arrives to the party in their own time. Some later than others.

I want everyone to be happy and to know that is what the Universe intends for them. I certainly don't have all the answers, but I like to imagine a place where everyone's heart radiates with love. And happiness.

What are some things that make you happy?

Trust - the Mat

I left the yoga studio today without paying for my new mat. (Can you belive it?!) As I pushed through the glass doors out to the parking lot my insides tangled like a yoga pose gone bad. How could I do such a thing? Easy. The owner knows and trusts me. I am honored by that. (I have since paid for the mat, so you don't need to call the police.)

I trust myself when I get on my yoga mat that I will know what my body needs, how to bend into the poses, and I will grow spiritually in some way as I practice. I trust my favorite teacher - Allison, with her great big, beautiful smile - to be my guide. Why does trust come easily when I'm doing yoga? The practice of yoga is like a long time friend bringing you a treasured gift everytime she sees you. How hard is it to trust that?

Trusting what happens on the mat can also be my lesson in trusting my writing. And it can be your lesson in any area where trust feels thin and weak to you. I need to trust that I have learned my craft. (There is always more to learn, but I am not the novice I once was.) I have to trust my writer's voice is clear and strong on the page. And I must trust I have a story to tell and others will read it.

The act of knowing what is right for you builds self-esteem. But what if you aren't sure when something is right? Have you heard the phrase, "trust your gut?" Our instincts tell us when something is right or wrong. We know, we just have to trust ourselves.

How well do you trust? Yourself? Others? What are some of the thing you do to build trust?

Staying in the Moment

I love my Tuesday morning yoga class. I love the teacher, the other students, and the energy we share. The things I learn on my mat help me be a better person off the mat. For example, my intention for class was to stay in the moment. Staying in the moment is an ongoing practice for me and I wanted that intention to sit on my shoulder and smile at me all day. It did not.


Becoming a published author is a long and frustrating journey. I'm seeking an agent or publisher for Welcome to Kata-Tartaroo and when I can't make that happen...like I said. Long and frustrating. So, what do I do? I say "stay in the moment." But that wasn't working so well for me that day.

I'm always asking for a sign from god. A giant neon sign to tell me what to do next. Remember, staying in the moment was eluding me. So I said after my yoga class, "God, drop a huge sign on my head, will you?"

Right after my declaration for guidance, I opened one of my favorite magazines to the article I always read first. The theme of the article was the journey we all take. Hmm... my senses are perked. I'm on a very specific journey. And the last paragraph states, "no matter where you are in your journey, that's exactly where you need to be." Aahh! There it was in black and white! On the day of my yoga class where I vowed to stay in the moment!

I had come full circle just then. Had I trusted my intention in class I would have known that everything I needed I already had. All the steps I take every day are exactly the steps I need to take. The Universe is conspiring in my favor. My big dreams are coming. Most importantly, don't forget the small dreams we accomplish every day. The ones that ground us in the moment. A smile from a friend, the air we breathe, the beautiful colors bursting from the trees and plants, the sound of a song, laughter, telling a story, taking yoga, writing...

What are some of yours?

Permission to Be Tired

Have you ever just lost it? Had a real melt down moment? Yeah, it happens to the best of us. Moments like that make me want to throw in the towel. Give it all up for days filled with chocolate covered bon bons, pedicures, and television. Like most, I live a hectic life. I'm going full force an easy 16 hours most days and still I can't get to my "to do" list. My critique partner Marykate says I set my goals too high. She's right. (Love you, MK!)


I decided it was time to stop being tired. (What you resist persists.) And embraced it instead!

I gave in. Sat down. Allowed myself to push the task aside and listen to my body, my mind, and my spirit. I'm not a robot. (Though I'd like to be.)

I honored what I needed so I could embrace the grace that operates in my life. I never want to be ungrateful for my dance with grace. Ever.

Maybe now that I'm rested I can look upon my things to do with a fresh renewal and walk the path intended for me.

Maybe even get that pedicure...

What do you give yourself permission to do? 

Patience and Fortitude

Recently, I went to the New York Public Library to do research for my second book in the Gabriel Hunter series, Welcome to Bibliotheca. What a career I have! I get to wander around the NYPL and call it research! The writer's life is a good one.

But I have to tell you, what an amazing building! Marble staircases, murals on the ceilings and walls, huge windows letting in the sun, and of course rows and rows of books. All of those books to read, touch, and smell. The hallways lead left and right like a stone maze. I got lost returning from the bathroom!

The NYPL was established in 1895 when the Astor and Lenox libraries merged with the Tilden Trust. A new library would be designed and 16 years after this historic merge happened, May 23, 1911, the new library on 5th Avenue and 42nd Street would open.

Standing guard outside the library are twin lions originally named "Leo Astor" and "Leo Lenox," after the Library's founders. Mayor Fiorello La Guardia nicknamed them "Patience" and "Fortitude." Those names are still used today. No two better words describe the ingredients necessary to become a published writer. 

Patience and Fortitude come in handy in many other areas of life as well. They are like soldiers standing watch for us as we navigate through life. They remain quiet and stoic in the background, but just a glance over our shoulder lets us know we are not alone. We can accomplish anything with our friends near by. And should we forget them, it only requires a deep breath and a step forward to remember their presence and with them anything we wish is possible.