Which Road Do You Travel?

An opportunity has presented itself to me and I must decide to either take on a new task or pass. This isn't an easy decision. There are benefits to doing it and benefits to saying not now. But which is the right one? How do you make decisions?

I've gone over the list of the reasons to say "Yes!" There are many. I'll grow as a person. I'll learn more about something I already have a great love of. It will help me with future plans to help kids build their self-esteem. Oh, the list goes on. Then there's the reasons to say, "not now or maybe ever." It will intrude on my writing time. (That's a big one.) But, it might help my writing too. (Note the confusion.) What will I do with it when I'm done?

I try to feel around inside myself for that buzzing in my gut that says, "yes, do this." I don't notice it, but does that mean fear has numbed the sensation? Or is the buzzing absent because the answer should be no? I don't want to miss out on an opportunity if the Universe is trying to tell me something, but I don't want to drown myself in good intentions.

So, tell us. How do you go about deciding on which road to take in your life?

Middle School Writing

I speak at middle schools about creative writing. That means I know a few sixth graders and recently I learned not all writing programs are created equal. Why was I surprised?

One of my sixth grade friends asked for help with a paper. The writing was pretty good, but there was a problem. The thoughts were not cohesive. My friend was more concerned with making sure his paragraphs started with First, then, then, etc and a rhetorical question following the first sentence than he was worried about anything else. His teacher would take points off if he didn't follow the rules.

What? Who's teaching this stuff? These kids aren't learning how to string a thought together if they're worried about where the rhetorical goes over making a point clearly. Ideas have to flow like a river running down hill.

What do we do? First, you can have me come in and talk to your students. (I started my sentence with "first!" Maybe my sixth grade teacher is still at work. Just kidding. No one panic.)

Seriously, tell me your ideas on fixing the problems with the way young people write. I have a few of my own.

How Do You Deal With Difficult People?

At the start of A Christmas Carol, Ebenezer Scrooge has the market cornered on difficult. You agree? Of course you do. And in the fashion of fiction, by the end he's the sweet, rich uncle we all long to have.

I'm in the middle of dealing with some really difficult people. They are a little different from Uncle Ebenezer. I don't know how stingy they are with their money, but they definitely have the attitude it's their way or the highway. Unreasonable. Single Minded. It makes my heart wrestles around my rib cage and my lungs expand at such a rapid rate I can't get any air in.

How do I deal with this? Writing this blog post is one way. I can get the feelings off my chest just enough to quiet my mind and wait for the answers to come. I won't be able to hear what to do with all the noisy thoughts clanking around in my head like Jacob Marley's chains. But what else can I do? (I'm a doer. I have to do stuff.)

I can't make them see things my way. It's their choice how to view their world. I have to control myself, which isn't such an easy thing to do. (Though I am actually doing something.) How will I get control? It's a beautiful day out. The world outside is filled with an abundance of grace. I can sit with nature and remind myself I have everything I need in this moment. My life is full and at peace. The Universe will provide the answers on how to deal with my Ebenezer replicas. There is no sense in fighting them. "What you resist, persists." I'll know what to do when the time is right.

How would you deal with difficult people?

Patience

How do you stay patient while waiting for something you want to happen? How can you use writing to help you? Of course, journaling is always the answer, isn't it? When in doubt, whip out your friend, journal. She never criticizes, never judges, never talks about herself. Sometimes she even shows us the answer.

Patience is not one of my better qualities. But how do you detach from the result of what you want while you're waiting to see if the Universe will give it to you? The Universe is always trying to teach me patience and I'm a slow learner in that area. I'm more of a rip the band aid off now and see the oozing underneath instead of waiting for the wound to heal kind of person. Sometimes that's good. Other times, not so much. 

I'm not sure if this answers the question about patience, but the words of Marianne Williamson resonate with me so I'll share them with you. "And once we have surrendered ourselves to be used for a higher purpose, we give up the obsession with planning that dominates so much of Western civilization."

I'm going out on a limb and saying I don't think Ms. Williamson wants you to stop planning your future. You have retirement, college, jobs and families to think about. Bills to pay, friends to visit with. What I think she's saying is be the best person you can be on your way to your destination. It's about putting positive energy out to the Universe and listening for the soft whisper to respond to you. It's about quieting your mind so you don't miss the answers.

Patience is non judgement. It's the journey that leads us where we're going. It's inner peace. Patience isn't something we find in a bottle. Though I wish I could whip up a batch every now and again.

How do you find ways to be patient?

Courage

I was talking with a friend the other day. She said her daughter thought the only way to be heroic or courageous was to face a tragedy, like having your arm bitten off by a shark. What do you think?


I say, not true! Courage comes in all shapes and sizes. You don't have to have your arm bitten off to prove you have courage. Mirriam-Webster says the definition of courage is "mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty."

Fear can materialize in many forms. You might be afraid of the dark. Afraid to fly. Afraid to succeed. Afraid to take a risk. Afraid to ask for help. Courage shows up when fear is faced. One of my favorite quotes from Franklin D. Roosevelt, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself." (That's a good one. You have to admit.)

When life seems difficult doesn't it take courage to stand tall and not run for cover? What is difficult for one is easy for another. There is no measure for difficulty. But to throw courage on your back and walk through something hard and come out the other side better for having experienced it. That is courage ten fold.

Being courageous might be as simple as joining a new group or taking a taxi ride alone. Perhaps you want to stand in front of a crowd and give a speech. That takes courage. Or you stand up to a bully. Courage.

You don't need a movie made about you to show you have courage. All you have to do is be grateful for the opportunity to try. Trying is courageous too. Your assignment: Go out and try one courageous thing today.

Don't Quit

I need a little help. Explain to me why someone quits before they achieve what they want? I don't get it. Really. I'm talking about anything. From programming the DVD player to having your dream job. I know it's scary, hard, sometimes down right impossible. Hey, I know about hard. I'm a writer looking for a place for my novels to land. In terms of tough goals this is right up there. Maybe not as high as overcoming addiction, but you get my point.


Why quit? Isn't that the easy way out? Do you want the DVD player to beat you? Are you being lazy? Do you want someone else to carry the burden for you? Hmm...I bet I'm getting a few yeses on that one.

Explain to me why someone who could have what it is they claim they want gives up before they get it? Could it be you don't really want it that badly? Hmm again. My guess is that's it. You never really wanted it and when the journey toward this goal got tough you quit. That's okay if that's the truth. 

But if you want change in your life: job, relationships, learning a new instrument, then I suggest you dig deep because a long road may be in front of you and you're going to spend a lot of sweat equity getting where you're going. Achieving goals isn't easy, but quitting isn't any easier. You will live with each decision you make. So if you truly want something go after it with all you've got. We only get one life. Don't quit!

Discover Your Voice

Writer's spend a lot of time discovering their voice. They experiment with word choice, cadence, and pacing. Voice is what makes writing unique.

Not just writers need a unique voice. Everyone does. Every day. What does your voice sound like? Do you use strong words? Do you whisper in response? Let's say a friend cancels plans with you. What's the first thing you say? Or a friend walked right past you, ignoring you, as if you weren't there. How would you react? What words would you use? What if a friend pushed you because they were mad?

What if you don't know what to say? Do the right words present themselves to you at a later time? Do you play the scene round and round in your head wishing the ride would stop so you could get off? Probably, right? You need a journal.

Write it down: your thoughts, feelings, expressions, the good comebacks you didn't think of earlier. If you're sad, write it. Mad, write it. Happy, write it. Include the things you like about yourself too. Use your journal to discover your voice. Your writing voice and your real voice. Take it with you and write about what you see, hear, smell. Write about where you are and where you want to go. Ask questions. Dig deep. Your journal is a safe place to spend time with your private voice. No one is judging you, correcting your grammar. No worries.